Friday, July 8, 2011

This Past Week

This is the most difficult post I've ever had to write. I'm going to keep it short because, well to be honest, I can't deal with a long post right now. A week ago today I was headed to the doctor to hear a tiny heartbeat. I left the doctor more heartbroken than I've ever been in my life. There was no heartbeat to hear. In other words, we lost the baby. Because I was farther along and not miscarrying, I had to go in to the hospital for a D&C on Tuesday. The first surgery I've ever had in my life and it's a D&C. Since then, I've been recovering both emotionally and physically.
The most frustrating thing is how hard we tried for this baby. Only a handful of people know the trouble we had getting pregnant. But people act like this isn't a big deal. Like in a few months we'll be pregnant again and everything will be okay. But it's not that easy. We tried for over a year to get pregnant. After a year, we resorted to fertility treatments. After two of the treatments we were finally pregnant, but those two treatments were not easy. They were hard. The medicine and shots made me so sick. So getting pregnant was no walk in the park. It was tough, emotionally and physically. And the chances of us quickly getting pregnant again aren't good at all- in fact, they're slim.
I know this isn't easy for anyone, but I feel like it's especially hard for us. I'm scared that this will happen again, if I can ever even muster up the courage to go through treatments again. I'm scared we'll never have the chance to have kids. This is definitely the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through.

5 comments:

  1. I am so sorry, Brittaney. For anyone to down play what you're going through is wrong. I will be praying for God to provide you with the comfort you need now and going forward.

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  2. Holly Tant ShaverJuly 8, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    Brittaney, no one knows what kind of pain you are going through unless they have experienced it themselves. It is truely heartrenching. I am so sorry for both of you. I am praying for comfort for both of you and for God to make his plan for you clear. My heart is heavy for you right now.

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  3. I am so sorry! I wish I were there to comfort you and Gavin. I will pray for you and your family and that God will one day provide you the gift of having a child.

    From someone who has miscarried twice, I recommend reading Heaven is For Real. You will see your child in heaven. This may not comfort you now, but I hope it will one day knowing you will get to see your sweet baby one day.

    I am so sorry, if you need to talk please call.

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  4. Anyone that does know what you've gone through in your efforts has only a slight idea of how much pain you're in.

    No one can tell you "it'll be fine" or "it's ok" or "you'll try again & it'll all work out" so they have nothing to say. When people are uncomfortable & don't have the answers we err on the side of optimism & hope. That is all anyone can offer you right now. I truly believe no one intends to make light or downplay anything, because we all care about you, we just don't want to see you in pain. Your friends & family would give anything to see you happy - so our only option is to try to impart hope & believe that happiness is just beyond this time. I'm sure that comes across as callous, like no one understands the gravity of the situation but that's not the case at all.

    You're a trooper & a fighter & I know you've come this far because of those things. God will lead you along the path though we don't always know the path or the reason, we must maintain Faith.

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  5. p.s. When I said, "I feel like things happen for a reason," in my last comment, I hope it didn't sound like I was dismissing your feelings. It's hard - and you've been such a trooper.

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