This is the most difficult post I've ever had to write. I'm going to keep it short because, well to be honest, I can't deal with a long post right now. A week ago today I was headed to the doctor to hear a tiny heartbeat. I left the doctor more heartbroken than I've ever been in my life. There was no heartbeat to hear. In other words, we lost the baby. Because I was farther along and not miscarrying, I had to go in to the hospital for a D&C on Tuesday. The first surgery I've ever had in my life and it's a D&C. Since then, I've been recovering both emotionally and physically.
The most frustrating thing is how hard we tried for this baby. Only a handful of people know the trouble we had getting pregnant. But people act like this isn't a big deal. Like in a few months we'll be pregnant again and everything will be okay. But it's not that easy. We tried for over a year to get pregnant. After a year, we resorted to fertility treatments. After two of the treatments we were finally pregnant, but those two treatments were not easy. They were hard. The medicine and shots made me so sick. So getting pregnant was no walk in the park. It was tough, emotionally and physically. And the chances of us quickly getting pregnant again aren't good at all- in fact, they're slim.
I know this isn't easy for anyone, but I feel like it's especially hard for us. I'm scared that this will happen again, if I can ever even muster up the courage to go through treatments again. I'm scared we'll never have the chance to have kids. This is definitely the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through.